One of the constant fears that we who work with the public have is the sudden realization that people (sometimes) are actually listening to what we have to say. I’ve even recently had a client tell me that he finds my humble quotations and witty sayings so profound, that he actually writes them down for future reference! With all this in mind, and with the most humblest of intentions, I’ve decided to record for all prosperity a few of my more famous quotes and share them with the whole world. ● “Given the choice of your dog throwing up in your car or my office, I much prefer he/she do so in your car.” Most-treasured readers, there are two things in this world that I can’t handle well: Baby poop and vomit. I have no problem at all with fetid rotten flesh or maggot-infested cow afterbirths on a hot August afternoon. I could probably even stand up to my waist in chicken manure and eat a hot dog! But if I see or smell—or even think about—a pile of vomit, I’m toast. ● “If you can never know the answer to a question, then there is no point in asking it.” I learned this quote during my college statistics class. For example, the tomcat who comes back home after a night out on the prowl, who’s favoring his left-hind leg, ain’t gonna tell you how it happened. Therefore, there is no point in knocking yourself out trying to find out why. Yes, it’s possible that when that comet struck the planet Jupiter a few years ago, it could have thrown off space debris that fell to earth in the form of a meteorite. This in turn could have bounced off a telephone pole, ricocheted off a stop sign, and then smashed into your poor cat’s leg. Or the poor beast could simply have been dinged by a car. ● “If there is the slightest chance of an event occurring, then given enough time, it will.” This is a corollary to the above previous quote. Yes, your cat’s gimpy hind limb could have been caused by an impact with a meteorite, but playing the odds, it was more likely hit by a car. ● “If you hear hoof beats, and you are in Upstate New York, then first think horses, not zebras.”( For my beloved readers on the African Continent, the opposite of this may apply.) I learned this most-important of quotes in vet school. As an example, your testicularly-intact black Labrador, who has just returned from a weekend of he’ing and she’ing with the neighbor’s poodle, could be throwing his guts up because he’s contracted a case of Congo River fever, or, he’s puking because he decided to stop along the way to devour some of your other neighbor’s compost pile. Because we don’t see a lot of Congo River fever in my Upstate New York clinic, I’ll most likely will diagnose the cause of his vomiting on his eating something he shouldn’t have. ● “Having an owner express (empty) his or her dog’s anal glands is typically not a bonding experience between this person and their dog.” There are many things that work towards the strengthening of the wonderful gift of the human-pet bond. Expressing their anal glands is not one of them. ● “It is what it is.” I personally find a lot of comfort in this saying. It answers for me a lot of the unsolved mysteries of this mind-boggling earthly existence. However, my fourth grade English teacher, Mrs. Nave, I’m sure, would not approve of the grammar. ● “Poop happens.” This simple saying sums up a lot of what happens in the world as well. I would add the following addenda: “Poop happens the most when you can least afford it.” “Poop happens most when you have the least time for it.” “Poop will always happen when you least expect it.” ● “You can’t fight nature.” Unless they are physically restrained, un-spayed cats, young sailors on liberty after being at sea for 50 days (not myself, of course, when I was in the Navy, I was always a perfect angel!), un-neutered Labradors, and former US presidents from Arkansas, can be depended upon to do any and everything in their power to find someone to mate with. ● “A farting horse never tires; a flatulent man you should always hire.” This one was one of my dear Dad’s favorite sayings, and he was right. ● “Tis better to perish in the hollowing infinite, then to be ingloriously dashed upon the lee.” From one of my most favorite books of all times, Moby Dick. These are words I try to live by. Thanks again

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